Tailor Made part 1

[SuckerPunch]

This is my first real attempt of a story so feedback/critiques/input is encouraged to help me write better material in the future. This is a part one of two part story based on characters (in this case Snowflake) of the metrobay universe as well an introduction to my original character. Thanks to Doctor Robo for permission in using his characters. Now enjoy the story.

Tailor Made by SuckerPunch
Part 1
Snowflake sails across the cityscape of Metrobay on one of her snowy trails, out on a nightly patrol. The night is early but it has already been relatively calm and quiet, a rarity. While normally any other heroine would welcome the chance of an uneventful evening, Kyla seems frustrated. “Ugh, I cant believe Valient Grrl manage to coerce me into taking her shift,” she says with a bit of pout. “I should be out clubbing at the new nightclub ‘Bump’n & Grind’n’ with Alexis and Crissy. Mick might even be there.” Her mind becomes a slide show of images: Alexis, Crissy, and herself talking up some guys, maybe even get some one on one time with Mick on the dance floor. But noooo, Kristen needs tonight just so she can probably play kissy face with the captain. Her train of thought begins to loom on that mental image when her daydreaming is suddenly broken when she hears a cry for help. Just up ahead near an empty stretch of street, a thug appears to be trying to mug a woman. He begins to move in close to her spouting off the stereotypical mugger jargon when he's interupted.
“Cool it, jerk! Haven’t you ever heard that no means no?” With her words the thug backs away to find Snowflake diving in and blasting him with a barrage of fist shaped snowballs.
As the young heroine pummels the hapless would-be robber, the woman backs out of the way. She doesn’t run from this battle though. Instead she watches from the shadows as the blonde heroine makes short work of him. Hmm she thinks to herself with a raised eyebrow. Now this is an interesting development. And here I thought I’d have to waste my time and talents on that oaf. But her, such a lovely young attractive girl. Yes she’ll do nicely. A devious predatory smile grows on her lips. Now just to work my magic.
Kyla activates her comlink as she stands up the freshly made human popsicle, the thugs expression still in a frozen state of shock. “This is Snowflake, tell the boys and girls in blue I’ve got an order of one chump on the rocks for them.”
Back in the Superheroine Squad HQ, Brown Sugar had been sitting quietly skimming over the pages of a Metro Men’s Magazine that had been left sitting around. “I never thought I’d be so bored as to actually look at one of these magazines. ‘How to get with a Superheroine? They must be joking. Seriously I need to talk to the girls about getting some better reading material in here….Oh thank god, um I mean good job Kyla.” Snowflakes call was an eagerly wanted break from the monotony of monitor duty. “I’ll meet you out there and have officers sent to your location. Where are you at?”
Snowflake looked around for a second, a little confused. “Well uh,” She stumbles on her words a bit till she recognizes a familiar building “You know that one bar where I pointed out that waiter with the nice ass, about a half a block from there.” Kyla could already hear in her head the sound of Georgia’s frustration which quickly followed into her ear piece.
“You’re kidding me, right? You say that everywhere you go. Ugh look I think I know which one your talking about, I just double check the route you were assigned. I’ll be there in a few. Afterwards we’re going to have a long talk about…”
“Umm…zzzz…sorry I cant hear you….zzzz….you’re breaking up…zzz...see you when you get here…zzzzz” Kyla said. Ah geez, just what I need. She worries as she turns off her comlink. Georgia is going to me so much hell. As she places her hand on her forehead, she’s suddenly startled by the sound of a woman’s voice.
“My, my, gracias mi amada, you’ve saved me.” Quickly Kyla spun around to see a woman dressed in a long sultry dress-open backed low cut in the front giving perfect view of her exquisite chest, a thigh high slit up the side showing off her alluring legs with nylons that match her dress, and long arm length gloves that adorned her toned arms. Her face was partially obscured with her ‘Peek-a-Boo’ hairstyle, but she was gorgeous. She looked so breathtaking and luxurious. Certainly not from this part of town and that accent, some kind of Spanish maybe? She thought, trying to regain some of her composure following her heroic deed as her rescue-e saunters over closer. Focus, Kyla. Stop eyeing her up, man has it really been that long for me? Ok maybe it has. *mental sigh* Heroine life is murder on my dating…Kyla focus!
“May I ask the name of my lovely savoir?” the woman ask.
Kyla finally getting her head out of the clouds. “You don’t know who I am?” She cant help but feel a tad disappointed. Yup she’s new. Hmm…. She uses this moment to build herself up and striking a heroic pose throwing on her sunglasses “I am the totally awesome Snowflake, elite member of the Superheroine Squad and Grrl Power. At your service.” Cue theme music and hold for applause. Ah yea.
“Oh my,” The elegant woman feinting astonishment, placing one of her gloved hands to her lips. “I am truly honored then. Allow me to introduce myself then. My name is Anabella de la Verde and I must have you.”
Snowflake nearly loses balance at the remark “S-s-s-say that again?!” She takes a step back and puts her sunglasses away.
Anabella gives off a chuckle “Oh me perdone, I’ve misspoken. What I meant is that I wish to reward you for such heroism. I mean, who knows what that man would have done if you had not arrived”
Kyla still a little thrown from the previous comment, “Well that’s kind of you to offer but its not really necessary.” Though I have to admit, getting a reward would be a nice change of pace. Hell, I’m not even supposed to be here today.
“But I insist,” Anabella says as she caress Snowflake’s cheek gently with her gloved finger tips and a come hither gaze in her eyes “Such a lovely young woman deserves to be rewarded for her actions don’t you think?” Snowflake stood there a moment as the gloved hand stroke her cheek. Normally she would have been put off by such a gesture if not the sudden soothing wave that surged through her with that touch. Wow, I’ve never felt anything like that before….but more importantly, she right. We or at the very least I should be entitled to a reward now and again right? Whats the harm? “…I guess just this once I could bend the rules. What did you have in mind?” She said with a small quiver in her voice. She was still a tad nervous at the Anabella’s initial remark but this time it didn’t seem to bother her as much.
“Well you see my dear, I’m an up and coming fashion designer, I could design an special dress just for you. One similar to mine if you‘d like.” She said. A flirty smile grew upon her lips as she batted her eyelashes, “I saw the way you were looking at it earlier. Would you like that my dear Snowflake?” She moved to the young heroines side, wrapping on of her arms around Kyla’s back as she lead her prey to the curb. Snowflake felt a sensation shoot up her spine that she couldn’t explain as she blushed at Anabelle having been caught peeping.
“R-really? I have to admit it’s a lovely dress. Do you really think I could pull something like that off? I mean I’ve never seen anything like that let alone ever considered getting something like that.”
“That’s because it’s a look that’s ahead of its time.” Anabella sends a quick text. As soon as she finishes she returns the phone to the inside of her stalking and turns to face Snowflake, keeping her arm wrapped around the silly naïve heroine pulling her closer. “Trust me my little bella, very soon, all of the sexiest and most beautiful women in Metrobay will be sporting this look.” As she finishes her sentence, a stretch limo pulled up the side of the street stopping in front of the two women. A female driver, in the most revealing yet fashionable chauffeur’s outfit she’s ever seen, makes her way around the vehicle to open the door. Anabella continued “Think of it, you’ll be the first of this latest trend, the envy of all your peers.” She releases the star eyed girl, her hand slowly dragging along Kyla’s uniform, and climbs into the vehicle. She seems to genuinely want what she offers, She caresses the smooth leather seat next to her. “So my dear, shall we get going?”
Snowflake could hardly believe it. This cant be real. Me, Kyla Menos-Sexy heroine and trend setter? She was trying to contain her excitement at the idea of her on run way with countless adoring fans. Her head was swimming with visions of glamore and fortune with a few sensual visions mixed in but there was this small annoying voice in her head, Um hello you still have a job to do, remember? The criminal you stopped, not to mentioned Brown Sugar is on her way here, And with that thought a different voice finished her thought ….to chew you out. And over what? So I got a little mixed up. Its wasn’t that big of a deal. She makes up her mind, Well if I’m going to get in trouble, I might as well get something out of it, and look good doing it. Anabella seems to be on the up and up. I can totally trust her. And with that Snowflake entered the vehicle, her mind filled with visions of the majestic dress that waited her. I cant wait to show it off in front of Mick, the girls especially Kristen. Ha, she’s going to be so jealous. “I’d be honored to join you tonight.”
That predatorial smile returned to the seductive woman’s face. “Excellent.” The door closes behind Kyla as she enters, the vehicle taking off into the still early night. Anabella continues to eye her quarry, “and don’t worry about a thing, I’ll make sure tonight is a life changing experience you’ll never forget.”

to be continued....

[dumbtime]

Wow, dude. an amazing intro to what looks like a great story. I must say, it seems that you have really pegged Snowflake's characteristics from the get-go. Good job, keep up the good work. I'm really looking forward to seeing where this goes.

[Trishbot]

I whole-heartily agree. You really nailed Snowflake and her off-the-wall thought process and mannerisms. Very good use of her. You certainly know your Metrobay lore too, and it was great to see everything from her crush on Mick to Metro Men's Magazine get a reference. Very well done!

I look forward to the next chapter. Thanks so much for sharing with us!

[SuckerPunch]

Wow...thanks guys.
I'm glad to hear that you both feel i've got Snowflake's character down, she's my favorite character in the Metrobay Universe (and usually my first choice on when story ideas pop into my head lol). so it was a big deal for me to make sure i did the character justice. I was actually worried at first if i was doing too much inner thought process instead of actual dialog, but i felt that it helped give an idea of what Anabelle was doing without giving away too much. (i'm saving that for part 2 )

@Trishbot-I cruised the Metrobay Encyclopedia all the time to look for ideas and make sure I have my facts straight. I wanted to avoid it feeling out of context or out of character. (and to find minor/rarely used characters that might fit in the story or for future ideas).

I truly appreciate the feedback and now more than ever, look forward to posting part 2. If things go well i might even do a part 3.

[Doctor Robo]

Excellent work so far, SuckerPunch. You did a great job reintroducing us to Snowflake, as well as debuting an original character who sounds like she could be a lot of fun. I'm looking forward to seeing where this story goes next.

Thanks for sharing!

- Doc

[Hector2]

Hi there SuckerPunch!

Is your nick inspired in the movie? How was it? I didn't had the chance to see it!

I loved your first chapter, I saw that you made a comment in Miss Metrobay character post and so I looked up this tale, It was good!

Only a minor detail: Anabella de la Verde is not a common name in any latin american country, (De la verde) means "Of the Green", and I think this would be a name that could cause shock. Something like that is to call someone "amada" when you just meet her. The verb "to love" in spanish implies that they know each other. Maybe a better word woul have been "Querida" (like darling). Spanish is my original language and I would be honored if you want to ask me for help for those details.

Anyway, Kaila is my favorite character in the Metrobay Universe too!

Thanks

Hector 2

[SuckerPunch]

Hello Hector2

Glad to hear you enjoyed the story. I hope to have the rest of it released soon. (still dealing with a bit of writers block but i'm getting back on track.) In the meantime enjoy the other chapters

Actually my nick is based off a song by a band called Echobrain. I havent had the chance to see the movie either honestly. it caught me by surprise when i saw the commercials since i've been using the name for quite a few years. (was my nick back on HIP's board as well)

Regarding Anabella's name - her last name is De la Verde because when i was originally developing her, i was going to give her thrallium based powers and her clothing and hair were going to be green. Eventually though i decided against both, and just kept the last name.

I would have no problem with you aiding me on using the proper conjugation. I struggled with proper verbage (like amada) and since i coudlnt find my english to spanish dictionary, had to resort to online 'translators'. So yea... I'd gladly refer to you in the future. Tho seeing as i'm already on the last part it might be just this one till Fashionista returns in "Ladies of the Night"

Thank you again for your comments. Always appreciated

[Hector2]

SuckerPunch:

Ok I will check your other posts of the story!

Oh, don't you think that now that Kyla has passed one trans dimensional adventure in Platinum Earth, and another coming of age story at the Resort, the writers must treat he with more respect? She must be still fun, but more mature and less an airhead.

Hector2

[SuckerPunch]

Well here's my take on that:

While yes Kyla went through a grueling ordeal in Plat Earth (Being manipulated into betraying Stylet and getting MC/EC, Dying and such) I've felt that she's still kept that carefree, somewhat naive and occasionally overconfident mentality that makes Snowflake 'Snowflake'. In Forbidden Fantasy she plays down her 'demise' while talking to Crissy and in Hypnotica, well...Kyla is her usually bubbly self: from her impromptu 3 way with Hypnotica and Mick, her 'apprehension' of Troublina to her asking Valient Grrl if they should take Max's offer to switch sides and her little rant when she and Kristen were being 'boob-matized'.

As for Resort Tales (or any other more recent releases that feature might feature her), well i only got as far as maybe issue 4 due to an expired membership so i never got to see how that played out in detail beyond whats been put up on the Metrobay Encyclopedia. (my reference source other than the actual comics themselves). So its difficult for me to fully interpret where mctek and fin went with her. (especially since i was writing this story during the same time frame as they were releasing their story hence why i tried to avoid any references to that story. Honestly i'd place this probably before the events of Resort, if this story was ever considered canon.)

All in all, i'd say she still has a ways to go before becoming truly mature on the level as say Ms Metrobay or Alpha Woman. Frankly i wouldnt want her making any tremendous leaps in personality (growing up too fast as it were) anytime real soon, cause it might ruin what i feel makes Snowflake such an appealing character that i and many others have come to love.

In the future, i could definitely see her in a 'potential futuristic time line' becoming the new leader of the Superheroine Squad. But till then, she's still that adorable, klutzy, shopaholic, party girl, who can bypass firewalls in moments while somehow is unable to operate a toaster, doing her best to make her mentors proud, junior heroine.

Each girl of the Metrobay Universe has her own distinct voice that sets them apart and if i was to stray too far from that, i feel that would be a greater form of disrespect. And trust me, if i was to go too far, i'm certain Doc and the others would have made that vocal and i would have corrected it immediately in all future releases.

Thank you again for your comments.