Re: AA Universe - Simple Shorts: For the Benefit of Society
Posted: July 12th, 2010, 11:17 pm
I have a critical comment about verb tense. Usually in comics the text boxes used to describe events and provide context are written in the present tense. The main exception to this is when a story is being narrated in flashback form, as is the case in the "What Makes A Hero" story, or the prologue to "For The Benefit Of Society". You've generally gotten this correct, but in the two main chapters of "For The Benefit Of Society" you've slipped up in a number of places and written these text boxes in past tense instead. That tends to pull the reader out of the story by making the whole thing feel slightly 'off''. This should be fairly easy to get right; I hate to see stories I enjoy marred by things that would be easy to catch with a decent editing pass.
See what happens when you ask for criticism? Sometimes you get some.
I'm also curious to see how closely you'll hew to the plot of the original story. Given his stated goal of enslaving Irish Justice, it would seem odd for Digitalus to merely transfer her powers to his 'Number Two' as was done in "The Balance". Sure, she seems loyal to him now, but why take chances? If I were in his shoes I'd have a bit of extra programming mixed in with the power transfer -- unbeknownst to Number Two, of course...
See what happens when you ask for criticism? Sometimes you get some.
I'm also curious to see how closely you'll hew to the plot of the original story. Given his stated goal of enslaving Irish Justice, it would seem odd for Digitalus to merely transfer her powers to his 'Number Two' as was done in "The Balance". Sure, she seems loyal to him now, but why take chances? If I were in his shoes I'd have a bit of extra programming mixed in with the power transfer -- unbeknownst to Number Two, of course...